Your priorities are all wrong.
Hello, my dear readers!
Yes, I still exist. And this website still exists....and will for at least a year before my subscription expires. So, don't worry. I haven't gone anywhere permanently. Honestly, I've been pulling 12 hour workdays at work, and at the end of the day, the last thing I've wanted to do was....anything that didn't include zoning out in front of Youtube/Netflix with a bar of chocolate. Thankfully, I made it through without throwing myself out a 4-story window and now I can get back to this beauty and my much-neglected life.
Today I want to talk about priorities. Mostly because I've been slacking on my priorities.
Here's what people's priorities usually look like:
3. Other family/friends
4. The house/apartment and what it looks like
6. THEIR HEALTH
Here's what people's priorities should look like:
1. THEM / THEIR HEALTH
2. Everything else
Does that sound harsh? Are you screaming at your screen, "But what about Bob?! What about my children?! You can't be serious! You don't have kids! You don't have any idea! My children and my family are my moon and sun and stars and if I neglect them for even a second the world will come crashing down! Also, it's super important that my house is spotless because WHAT IF THE NEIGHBOURS COME OVER UNEXPECTEDLY?! And I need money from my shitty ass job so we can go on family vacations and have a huge house and Land Rover....even though it gives me ulcers and every day I wake up wanting to get hit by a car on the way to work."
You're completely right. I'm not you. I don't know your life, I don't know about Bob and the kids and the Land Rover payments.
Here's what I do know.
You're important. In fact, in your life, YOU ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON. Read that again. And again. And again. Read it until it's burned into the back of your mind. I'd go so far as to say....you are number one on that list. Every single day, you are number one.
And I get it. There is something really comforting about martyrdom. It feels good because you're suffering, but damnit, you're suffering for something else and that can make you feel needed. That can make you feel complete. Sure, you're miserable, but you're miserable for a good reason, right? You're making someone else's life better, and that's noble, right?
The thing is, life shouldn't be an exercise in martyrdom....and if it is, it's because your priorities are skewed. You're putting yourself number 5....or 6...or 10 in that list. You're putting yourself after the dog and the kids and your SO and the fucking clean house. You're putting yourself after your job, clients, and customers. You're putting yourself after money. How sad is that? You are worth less to yourself than paper or a nice car or a handbag. What is wrong with that picture?
And damnit, I'm no stranger to this. I gave myself two options this morning: 1) Clean the apartment or 2) Write on this blog. Which one do you think would make me happier? But, this was an actual struggle for me....because I -SHOULD- clean. And I -SHOULD- go to the gym, too. But it's so nice outside, and....damnit, I just want to walk to the library and get out some books and sit in the sun and read. So, I'm going to go to the library and lie in the park and read. Why? Because I can clean later tonight, when my boyfriend is home to help out. I can go to the gym later too, if I really want. It's a goddamn 24-hour gym. Plus, the bf and I are going dancing tonight, so who gives a shit if I miss a day at the gym? My happiness and sanity are more important to me than forcing myself to do something that will stress me out.
What I'm trying to say is....life isn't about suffering. It's not. And if you are suffering, that's because you've put everything before you. You've put other people's needs before your own - you've put other people's happiness before yours. Obviously you have responsibilities, we all do. The baby won't feed itself. But you need to be aware of yourself and what makes you happy. You can lessen your suffering. If you hate your job, get a new one (which I plan on doing veeerrryyy soon!) If you're exhausted from taking care of the kids, tell your SO that you're getting a massage or you're going for a walk or you're having a bubble bath with a big glass of wine. If you're tired of being overweight, start making time to go to the gym or join a class. If you're stressed out about money, downsize your shit (do you really need a Land Rover at the cost of your health? Probably not.) Sick and tired of the city life? Move to a smaller city or the country. Lonely? Get a dog. Have a shitty relationship? Break up (and get a dog.) Want to travel more but you're broke? Get a work visa and move to Zimbabwe for a year.
See, there are options. Life always has options. And when you're number one, when you care about yourself above everything else, you can start seeing them. You're not stuck anymore. You'll minimize your regrets, because you'll be living the life you want.
As Maroon 5 says, "Life isn't always rainbows and butterflies, it's compromise that moves us along." You can't always do what makes you happy, but every day I bet you can make a step towards being happier. Just a tiny step. And then when you look around one day, you'll smile and be like, "Yeah, this is alright! Hell, this is....good. My life is good. I'm...good. I'm really, really good!"
So put yourself as number 1 on your damn list. Stand up for yourself. Stand up for your life and happiness. Try it. Try it for a week and see what kind of impact you can make. You'll be surprised how much of a difference it makes.
And I will, too. Because practice what you preach and all that shit.