My Not-So-Secret Secrets to my High-Libido.
I guess this is my first post talking about everyone's favourite hobby - sex! So, Mom, if you're reading this, then click away. Maybe go to the health section or something.
Anyways, yesterday my boyfriend said something along the lines of: "You're the horniest girl I've ever met! By far!" This wasn't before, after, or during the deed. This was just while we were cuddling, and he didn't mean it as a precursor to anything. It just came up in conversation, kind of like when we're talking about the weather or news or who should do the dishes.
He's not wrong. I've realized that I've had a high-libido for quite some time; my mind tends to go in that direction more than I care to admit.
And I was trying to think of....why? I could quite honestly have sex a few times a day, every day (well, not EEEEVVEERRRYYYDAAAYYY. A girl's got to bleed sometime, right?) and I would be quite content with that. Sometimes, I'm the one tapping C on the shoulder and giving him my "pleassssee" eyes.
But why? I've had a few people ask me how come I'm always raring to go...and more importantly, how they can "get" those things. It's a pretty common complaint in a relationship that the man is wanting more sex and the woman is wanting less sex....so, a woman being more available for sexytimes seems to be a big help in some relationships.
So, without further ado, here are my not-so-secret secrets to my high libido.
1. I masturbate quite often.
How does this heighten my libido? I know my body! I know what feels good, I know how to orgasm, I know how my body reacts to different things. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't have a drawer full of huge dildos or anything. I just got my first vibrator like....4 days ago (and its fantastic!). It doesn't have to be anything crazy, but I strongly urge you to just learn about your body. Learn what feels good. Learn how to be comfortable touching yourself. If you can't make yourself cum, how can you expect your partner to?
2. I watch porn.
...and just like with masturbation, I know what I like. I know what things turn me on....and what things I wouldn't want to do if you paid me a million dollars. This adds a really sexy angle to my sex life. I feel like I have more freedom in the bedroom to explore my fantasies with my boyfriend. I can come up with new ideas and that really keeps me excited to get home and jump him. I'm not a passive bystander to my sex-life - instead, I'm a team member. It keeps me creative and it keeps my mind on what will happen after work.
3. I consider sex to be an intimate moment with the person I love most.
I think that's there's often a disconnect between women and men about the significance of sex. Women think sex is just something pleasurable and nice, whereas men feel that it's a way for them to connect with their partner, touch base, and create intimacy. I strongly identify with the men's perspective on this. If I'm not having sex on a semi-regular basis, I start to feel disconnected and alone. Because I love my boyfriend a hell of a lot, I want to have those intimate moments.
4. I exercise and eat right.
Have you ever gone out for a romantic meal out, and eaten something that just made you feel bleugh? And then, on the way home, you're kicking yourself because you know you're bloated and feel gross and don't want to have your husband/boyfriend touch you at all? You make an excuse not to get down to business ("I'm soooo tired, hunny! Tomorrow!") Now, if you're not feeding your body properly every day...that same situation is being repeated over and over again. Eat foods that nourish you and keep you from feeling that "too full" feeling. Also, make sure you're eating healthy fats. Fat is needed to create hormones, and guess what? Hormones are what make you want to jump that cute guy you call your boyfriend/husband/FWB/one night stand.
As for exercise, exercise makes you feel like you're a goddamn superhero. And superheroes don't have any problem taking off their clothes and getting down and dirty, because they know they're awesome. If you just squatted 200lbs, you're going to feel like a beast inside and outside the bedroom. Plus, it will give you more energy/flexibility in the bedroom, to try all those new positions.
5. I have sex with someone with skills (and also, I have skills!)
This is important. If you're having sex with someone who is selfish in the bedroom, then you need to have a very blunt conversation with that individual. Some men don't have the skills initially (especially when you first start dating/hooking up!) because either they're nervous about having sex with you or it takes awhile to get to know what your partner likes. That's completely normal and I wouldn't consider that a dealbreaker. However, one party becoming complacent in the bedroom to the point where both of you aren't enjoying it...that's a problem. And if that's you - if you're not participating, but rather dead-fishing it - then you need to change your mindset. Sex is supposed to be fun and pleasurable. If it's no longer either of those things for you, then perhaps you need to sit your partner down and talk to him or start taking the initiative or re-evaluate your relationship. I can't stop thinking about sex because it's such a goddamn awesome experience. Positive feedback loop, FTW.
6. I don't use hormonal birth control.
Don't get me wrong - I've tried BC. Many times. Many different kinds. And I lost my sex-drive on all of them, within in a week. So yeah, BC definitely works because....there's no chance you'll get pregnant if you're never having sex. I was lucky because when I was a teenager, I wasn't put on BC...and in fact, didn't try to go on it until university. I already knew my body at that point, and so it was easy to see that hormonal BC killed my sex drive (while making me insane, but that's another post for another day). If you've been on BC for years and years, perhaps it's time to look at an alternative BC method. Condoms, spermicide the copper IUD, sponges, the rhythm method....there are other options out there. They're not perfect, but neither is BC.
7. I make it a priority in my life.
Sex is something I find very important, and even when I'm rushed....I make time for it. I schedule it in. I'll send my bf a sexy text telling him when and what we'll do. And then, guess what? I stick to it. I make it a habit to have sex (not a routine, though), because if you do something regularly, you're more likely to continue doing it. I'll read stories about husbands and wives not having sex for weeks or months. I'm not sure how that even happens. I understand being busy, but if you're telling me you don't have 45 mins in your day once or twice a week, you need to sit down and make time. Stop watching TV before bed and fuck each other.
8. Put the resentment away.
I understand that relationships are hard. I get that sometimes, guess what? You really don't want your partner touching you. But if you consistently push your partner away in the bedroom - or don't crave sex - then that's a symptom of a broken relationship. If you are letting bitterness, pain, and resentment rule your relationship, then it's likely your sex life is kind of shitty right now. You need to start fixing whatever is broken in the relationship. If your communication sucks, then focus on that. If you're angry at him for not helping out enough at home, make a schedule. Whatever is causing the problems - work on that. And then, on top of that, work on getting your sex life up and running again. Once you start dealing with the underlying issues, your libido will follow suit.
So, those are my not-so-secret secrets! They're not always easy, but I think they're important to look through.....especially if you haven't been feeling it for awhile. The thing to take away from this is that sex should be an important part of your relationship, and if it's not....then perhaps you need to ask yourself why it's not. Sex with someone you love and care about should be a wonderful experience, and you should look forward to it - not dread it.
If you have a high-sex drive, please feel free to comment below and tell me what your not-so-secret secrets are. I'd love to hear what you have to share.