I like my sex the same way I like my chili...
Really, really spicy.
And don't we all? I mean, I don't know about you....but what could be more fun than having hot and heavy sex?
If you answered, "Watching re-runs of Law and Order with a nice glass of wine," you, my friend, are in need of a little more spice in your sex life. I get it. You've been having sex with the same person for a really damn long time. You guys jump through the same sexual hoops every few nights, and you're just bored with it. Sure, you get off. But it's just kind of a 'blah' orgasm. Or worse, you don't even have an orgasm because you're thinking about the laundry that needs to be done or how angry you are with your SO for saying that passive aggressive remark in front of your mother.
Here's the thing-
If sex isn't fun anymore (or never was), you guys are doing something wrong.
I already went into ways you can improve your libido (Check it out here!). But now, let's talk about your sex life! How can you add a bit more spice into your sex-life? How do you get out of the boring quickies and back to passionate lovemaking?
Say stuff. Lots of stuff. Explicit stuff. Yeah, you know all those things that you think in that dirty mind of yours? SAY IT! Or if you don't ever think of explicit stuff - damn, just make some noise. MOAN! SCREAM! CRY! It adds to sexiness, and whoever you're with will eat it up and kick it into high gear. I bet you love it when you hear your SO gasping in pleasure, and it does the same for them. Also, this is a great way to guide your partner to getting you over that orgasm hill. "Mmm, yeah baby. Right there, right there! Keep going!" You are giving them a map to getting you off, and doing it in the hottest way possible.
2. Get dominant (or submissive!)
Sex can get boring if you're always the one "receiving" the pleasure from the guy. This is especially true if the guy you're with always does the same things or wasn't all that skilled in the first place. Tell him that you're in charge for the night, and make him fulfil your deepest desires. Guys are usually really into this kind of stuff, because it gets tiring being the one in charge all the time. It's a nice, sexy break for them and you can bet they love to know they're making your fantasies come true. Of course, if you're always the dominant one - switch it up, and be submissive. Tell him that you're here to please him tonight, and you want him to tell you what to do. The whole act is fun, exciting way to learn more about your partners true desires.
(Note: It's important to have a conversation about boundaries before you begin this kind of dynamic.)
3. Sext. Seriously.
Get the fires going before you get home. Be as crude and descriptive as you can. Use your imagination. Tell him exactly what you're looking forward to as soon as you walk through the door. If you trust this person, send pictures (it could be of something like your panties if you're scared of showing your face. Also, body shots work too. Be careful with face pictures! The Internet is a dangerous place for naked women...). See if he'll play along with you. Ask him sexual questions such as, "What are you going to do to me tonight?" "Are you going to ______________? I'm craving it so badly!" , etc. Sexting is such a fun and easy way to start the foreplay hours before you see each other.
4. Go public
Your mileage may vary with this one, but if you feel comfortable....get a little handsy when in public places. I'm not saying give him a blowjob on the bus, but maybe you guys go for a long hike and it's fairly secluded....and you just happen to fall onto his lap. Or at the grocery store, you give him a little graze in the cereal aisle. Or, if you happen to leave the curtains open when you have sex once or twice...oops! Obviously don't try to be too obvious about it because it makes things awkward for other people, but on the other hand, having sex in semi-public places can actually be really hot. It adds a little mixture of fear and excitement into the mix and it can lead to some pretty hot and heavy sessions.
5. Talk. Talk, talk, talk. TALK to each other!
Here's the thing - you are responsible for your sex life, to a certain extent. If you have fantasies and needs and desires that aren't being fulfilled, then it is your responsibility to sit down with your partner and tell him/her. Sure, you may not get it fulfilled, but perhaps you and your SO can come to a compromise. Maybe you love it when he goes down on you, but that doesn't happen much any more. Ask him about it! If he says he hates it, then you guys need to come to another agreement. Maybe he'll use a vibrator on you instead. Maybe he hates the taste but will eat you out with flavoured lube. WHATEVER. And he probably has things he desperately wants, and maybe you'll be able to satisfy his desires as well. There's a great website (www.mojoupgrade.com), that you can use also. You put in your wants, he puts in his, and if its a match, it tells both of you. My boyfriend and I are pretty open about sex and communication and even I was surprised about things both of us wanted to incorporate into our sex life. At the very least, it's a good jumping off point to start discovering more about yourself and your partner.
Don't worry, folks. I have far more spicy sex-tips up my sleeve (or in my bedside table, rather...) and I'll slowly be rolling them out the next few weeks. With that said, I would love to hear about what you do to keep your relationship hot as hell. What keeps you wanting to jump on your SO night after night? What drives you crazy in bed? How do you keep your sex life full of excitement?